June has been tough. I've been quite physically emotional which is unusual for me. It's been very busy socially, which is good, but it's hard for me to cope with busyness being naturally introverted, so I've been quite tired. And my family pet, whom we've since I was 14 passed away last week. If you have a pet, you'll know that somehow they just wrap themselves around your heart and refuse to let go. We love them unconditionally, no matter how many mice or birds or whatever they've killed and brought to you while your minding your own business eating crisps on the sofa. *flick* mouse in the lap. Jumping and screaming. What did you DO?!? And then cuddles 5 minutes later. I can't stay mad at you.
We had our little routines, she'd wake me up in the morning with a bubbling sort of sound, she hardly ever audibly meowed. I'd walk to the end of the garden, crouch and pat my knees and shed run up to me, delicately padding the stepping stones on her way. She'd sit on the back of the sofa, tail wrapped around my head or neck. Sometimes I would wake up with her on my pillow and my neck aching because I'd moved my head juuuust enough in the night to let her on. When I finished my breakfast she'd always jump on my lap and try to get to the last dregs of milk. When I was drawing she would chew my pencils, or pad across wet paint, ruining countless paintings, but I didn't care, because I loved her more than anything on earth.
Then I moved away, to Cambridge, and worried about her every day. I knew my dad was perfectly capable of taking care of her but she was mine, you know? I saw her less and less, got a kitten of my own, felt guilty for a little while, almost as if I was cheating on her by having him. The last time I saw her she looked old, but so tough. It was hard to leave her. I didn't know it would be the last time I saw her, but it was still hard. And now I'll never see her again.
I cried on and off for a couple of days, even though I hadn't seen her for a while. I didn't think I'd be so emotional. Now I'm just trying to remember good things, I'm going to get my favourite photo of her framed. Rest in peace my lovely old lady, my familiar; Maude.